I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
