Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
