Do you still have your period?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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