pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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