people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
