she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
