This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
