wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize