i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
