she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
