I'm jealous of your bromance
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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