ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
