Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
