Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize