i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
