girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
