My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
