he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
