This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
