why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
