ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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