Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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