The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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