the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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