i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
