i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
