Pants 0. Shit 1.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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