You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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