My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
