I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
