No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just want to make out with him forever
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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