I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
