help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
