We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
