you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
