does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize