Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
17 year olds will be the death of me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
the room spins SO much faster in panama
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
