and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He shit in the fireplace
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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