I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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