I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize