i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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