Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
