I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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