I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
