apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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