So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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