tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
