The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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