Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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