i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
