I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize