I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
