Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
