This girl is more easily done than said...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
