Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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