Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Randomize
