why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize