Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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