you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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