I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
