Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
