We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
dude. I can hear the air.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
