it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
