i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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