I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
