don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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