party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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