I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
