I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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