The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
