day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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