the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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