just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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