And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
