my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
