You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
