were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
