Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
be right there i have to get my cape
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize