"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
