singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
