My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
