actually, I'm a sock model
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
