I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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