just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
