Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
