I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
