I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I need to stop coming to work sober
Sacagawea was the original milf.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
