last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
