That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
