the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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