she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
