I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Randomize
