I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
