PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
