Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
