Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
